I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
