Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
