Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Randomize
