How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
