we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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