I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
