Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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