i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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