found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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