I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We are two peas in an std pod
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
