; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
