HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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