I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
