I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
