I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
nutella sex= disaster
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I AM VODKA MAN
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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