Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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