Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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