We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
