Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
