i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
