Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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