So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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