Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
