I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
