the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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