i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
