We named our party play list daddy issues
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
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