I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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