Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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