isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
