I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
