My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Life is so much better after having sex.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
