but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
