Just mADE A PArabola og urine
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
is it fun? or sober?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
