grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
