i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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