eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
