You're a womanizer and a bitch.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
