no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
