The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
