Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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