Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
