totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
