i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
