My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
