The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm always down for nudity.
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