that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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