Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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