I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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