So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
