did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
